in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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