I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
