Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
