I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
