Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
