This house was built for laser tag.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My dick has a subreddit
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
