Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
