i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
