i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
