I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
