garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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