; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
