Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
