so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
