Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
