If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my shit smells like andre
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
