I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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