The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
