so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Panties = found
Randomize
