mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
