I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
