she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
