Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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