erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Use "feeling words"
Yay
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
