Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
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