All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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