Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
