my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
