It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
