come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
