There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
