It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
