how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
