if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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