When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hippo gnu deer
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
