If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
