I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
