If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize