NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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