I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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