similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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