I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
