I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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