I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
