i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
