whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
