She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
