dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
