If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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