the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
