why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
