my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
