I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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