i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
