I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
40s are totally the cure
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
