Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
