I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
