are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
