She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
