grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
