Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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