I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
