last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
