there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
