Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You've changed since you got that strap on
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
