She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
