Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize