I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
