...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
