Who wears a wallet chain?!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
