you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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